|
With One Soft Touch
The "Alone and Together" Group - Nitzan Rechovot
Taken from an article by Adamit Pareh in "Local Times (Z'man M'komi") newspaper, 20/6/08
Sexual functioning is the ticket for a high self-image in the modern society together with money and success. But what happens to those young adults that are graduates of special education, that from a young age have been taught that they're not part of this party? The project "Alone and Together" of Nitzan Rechovot encourages the handicapped population to recognize their sexuality and to love themselves on the way to the revelation of intimacy in a relationship, a set of words that can also help to the beautiful and rich.
Sexuality is connected in culture to strength and success and mainly to beautiful people that sell us sex in advertisements and films. Sexual functioning defines our worth in society mainly in our own eyes. When we're talking about a population who is socially rejected, like those with learning disabilities and physical handicaps, sexual functioning becomes even more central in its importance in developing self-worth. Practically, its absence can wipe out the soul that yearns to love, and it can cause depression that can bring to suicidal tendencies.
"Alone and Together" which is run at Beit Nitzan in Rechovot is a counseling, treatment, and training center in the field of sexuality for people with social and cognitive disabilities. During the last four years, it provides services to the entire area. Irit Yaron, the director of Beit Nitzan, tells about the unexpected success, "The need for the establishment of a center for assistance with sexual functioning came up when the counselor in our adults club came to me and said that the club members are speaking all of the time with him about sex and he doesn't know what to do. He suggested bringing a sexologist to speak with them, but I felt that this isn't appropriate. We're talking about people with learning disabilities and adaptive difficulties, that's why I felt that a special approach was necessary."
In her search for the right person, Yaron came across Gavriel (Gabo) Weiss, psychotherapist, sex therapist, and the professional director of the center, who lives in Kibbutz Sirni, and also works at the Mental Health Center in Nes Tziona. Throughout the years he has worked in special education and with the recommendation of Yaron, he decided to go through training in sex therapy. Together, they began with a trial group of parents and young adults with they spoke about sexuality. The large amount of needs that came up and motivated them to think that they need to set up a treatment center, since they came in contact with certain issues that from them there was no going back.
"Sex therapy in a special population isn't so much different from regular sex therapy", explains Weiss. In both cases, we're dealing with the most sensitive parts of a person that are connected to interpersonal relationships. Clients come to us with different mental problems from all different levels, different genetic syndromes, with and without mental retardation, learning disabilities, functioning, adaptation, ADHD, mental illness, Down's syndrome, C.P. at different levels, Autism, and Asperger's syndrome. This is a population that in the past were called "Yormim", people with high intelligence and low social skills. They feel not a part of this since they're independent, they learn in university and they have cars, but they're social skills are disabled."
Yaron: "Most of our people are those that all of their lives we've protected, covered them, accompanied them, assisted them, they've never really been alone. Their sexuality was in a different place; they don't have privacy because they've been like babies their whole lives. There's always someone who shields and watches over you. This is an adult population from 30-40 years old, but behaves like 12-13 years old. Just now, they're revealing the world of sexuality.
Can you give a more practical example?
Weiss, "They can meet a girl and start telling her for an hour about their stamp collection. They don't notice her body language if she's interested or bored. They don't notice the difference between assertive or soft tone of voice. They don't recognize the nuances that we pick up on intuitively. They don't have the sensors if they're hugging too hard or not, because they're busy with themselves and don't pay attention. In the group dynamics in our group setting they are actually imagining situations and all of this comes up and sticks out. They have a strong desire for a relationship and they're depressed, frustrated, and sad. Some of them have had thoughts of suicide since adolescence when they didn't understand why others don't take notice of them. They always accuse the society that can't understand them, and they can't understand themselves."
What are some of the difficulties that come up in treatment?
"There are women that are looking for love and since they have learning disabilities, their self-concept is low and they think that they're stupid, that nobody pays attention to them, and that only with sex they can get attention, because this is a physical act, nobody tests their physical ability and so they feel good. The problem is that after some time they don't manage to raise their self-worth through sex and this is frustrating. The sexual image influences our entire culture. The moment that self-image begins to go up, the sexual image begins to rise as well. When you try to turn the comparison around, many times you get caught up in unhealthy relationships."
Yaron tells that in the beginning the parents were troubled by the word "Pandora" that can develop with the topic of sexuality. "The parents were very scared about coping with the topic of sexuality. They were more troubled about the practical aspect of the topic, like contraception, but mainly that their children will be emotionally harmed and will be traumatized after being in love and breaking up. Their conception was that their children can't deal with emotional pain and so they wanted to continue to protect them. This absolute protection came to an absurd situation where one of the mothers was in a crisis when her 30 year-old son told her that he found love in a girl five years younger than him. This difference in age that has no meaning in any situation and certainly when treating a population like this, traumatized her emotionally"...
Beit Nitzan in Rechovot was established some 20 years ago as a recognized, independent, non-profit organization that at its head was Ophra Elul who gave support to the entire project. Yaron: "The population that comes to here are registered to the Rehabilitation Branch (of Bituach Leumi, National Social Security), and according to my conception, it's very important to teach them sexuality and relationship skills. This is an inseparable part of the topic of rehabilitation. If I want to rehabilitate a person, then I have to lead him to complete normalization including relationship skills and sexuality."
The "Alone and Together" Center runs 10 groups in the area and another 10 privately. Soon, a special education group will be opened in Rishon L'Tzion and in light of the success a group for the regular population is almost planned to be opened.
Yaron: "We want to get to the Hi-Tech people, students in the Department of Agriculture, Weitzman Center, very successful people who are socially lonely, who feel that again and again it doesn't go for them, because they have difficulty starting a relationship and strengthening a relationship as a result of fear of intimacy. People that sit all day long at the computer and experience social difficulties. They work all day and are considered successful people so to speak, but at the end of the day they're alone. They live like normal people amongst us and even make good money and are successful, but they're troubled people because in the most important thing that's love and relationship, they're not successful".
|
