Being the Teacher of a Learning Disabled Student
Dr. Einat Amala author, experienced expert on the topic of learning disabilities, coordinator of the emotional support unit at the Dyslexic Student Support Center of Tel-Hai Academic College, lecturer on the topic of learning disabilities, evaluation, and treatment at the Tel-Hai Academic College.
The experience of a highly motivated, skilled teacher of a learning disabled student for four consecutive years, from 3rd until 6th grade (her words appear intentionally unedited and in her spontaneous style of speech)
"There were times when I wanted to get rid of him. I asked myself why I need to worry about things his parents needed to do, to help him tie his shoes after exercise class, or to criticize him about his inappropriate way of eating during break time.
On the other hand I felt a lot of sympathy for him and I always felt guilty that I don't do more for him, really, because I don't know what I can do for him. And also with the things I said to him and that I tried to do, I didn't know many times if I did good or not. I didn't know if what I was demanding of him was right or when I gave in if that was right.
I tried, for example, to be consistent in my demands for him to organize his notebook, but more than once I felt like I was turning into a police officer and I got mad at myself.
The hardest thing for me was feeling ambivalent, my favorable connection with him on the one hand and at the same time being so angry at him until I felt like pushing him away.
I thought that my very treatment of him like this, especially with all of the going back and forth, made him feel abnormal.
Part of the attention that I gave him every day came from my own uncomfortable feeling with myself. I was forced to take care of him so that I could feel comfortable, so that I would feel less guilty.
I thought for a long time before almost every time that I remarked to him something, how to say it, for example, regarding his disorganization, that my remarks should help him and not insult him, that they shouldn't cause him to go backwards even more in this matter. Sometimes, despite all of my planning, other things came out when I went to tell him. Sometimes, because I took so long thinking if I should say something to him or not, what I should say, how I should say it, I didn't know until the very moment I said something what would come out of me in the end.
And there were, I have to admit, instances where I was so mad that I just burst out with words stuck with me for a long time afterwards.
After situations like this I broke down. I didn't want to be responsible for him anymore. It was a feeling like I just wanted somebody to take him from me. I feeling of why don't "they" understand that I'm not built for these situations, nobody trained me in a practical way what to do in these situations.
But in an absurd way, these crises led me, every time from anew, to some sort of ambition to prove myself. I felt that I have to learn how to take control of this matter. I never, at least, got to the state where I completely wanted to give up on this.
In addition to problems of being disorganized, and fitting in learning wise, there were also social problems. There was some sort of disconnection formed between him and his classmates, like a transparent curtain. Even though it was like everybody was in his favor and supported him, but actually, because of all of the problems, his work rate and all of the extra help that he received, his contact with his classmates just became less and less.
He developed an attitude that he was against everything, me included, also in the classes themselves and in breaks, in social classes and in general, in every social activity.
On the other hand he also had heart-warming showings of affection, mainly on field trips.
But out of all of these, the most difficult task for me, mainly from 5th grade and onward, was coordination between all of the teachers. The number of subject teachers grew, as did the number of learning assignments, reading material, projects, experiments, tests, one after the other. Naturally, each teacher felt himself primarily responsible for progressing the class, and only afterwards was interested in the personal situation of each student.
As a result of this, I found myself in a situation where I had to collect information instead of receiving information as was decided at the teachers' meeting at the beginning of the year.
I had to actually run after each of the teachers. And there were conflicts. My feeling was, understandably, difficult, since I had to either complain and then others were mad at me, or I stayed silent and felt frustrated. So, more than once, when I approached teachers, I spoke from the outset in an apologetic tone as if I was requesting a favor, then afterwards I was mad at myself and felt like an imposter with the tone I used and I also was mad at the student who I had to do all of this for him.
The relationship with the parents also wasn't so simple. They pressured me relentlessly with requests for information, requests for help, complaints about teachers, in essence, all of the frustrating questions they had all of time. And I always had the internal conflict of how much to give them. What will help and what will create additional pressure without any benefit for the child at home? What can they actually help with and what's not worthwhile to put on them?
In the end of things, their pressure on me was so hard and incessant until the point that I started to avoid them. Just like the subject teachers tried to avoid me, I tried to avoid them, both from their telephone calls and their repeated requests for a meeting.
I felt uncomfortable with my avoiding them. I rationalized things to myself a lot, but practically I tried as much as possible to minimize the connection.
In summary, on the positive and negative sides, the occupation, both from the perspective of mental time and also from the perspective of the actual time that I invested in him, carried on much more than the standard work hours, and with all this, I didn't receive too much understanding from the school administration. My feeling was that they were standing on the side and thinking that all in all it's not so terrible as I present things, and it's possible to give in a little bit. Not to pay attention a little bit and whatever will be, that's what will be.
You need a lot of emotional strength, patience, and faith in the child in order to stand up to all of the confrontations, apathy, anger, and difficulties that are associated with working with a student like this. And today it seems to me, that the first and necessary condition for success in a struggle of this type is to set aside a teacher or special tutor (part-time hours of course) who will accept over-all responsibility regarding learning support, connection with the parents, etc... Only then there will be a reasonable chance that an intelligent student who suffers from learning disabilities can fit in as is expected from him in a regular school system.
Taken from the book "Learning Disabilities - the Challenge"/ Amalah, Einat, Itav Publishing, 1997
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