What was your motivation for coming to Coaching?
I came to coaching with fears that I was losing my son. I was afraid that I don't have a connection with him; that we only argue. I was bothered by the question, where's my parental bond? I saw that my son is growing up and I don't have enough good experiences to gather together and remember because we were always fighting.
What was the most significant assignment for you?
The most significant assignment for me was the first one, playing Monopoly with my son Ophir. We sat in the living room, him and me; we played, laughed, and had a good time. There was excitement and also suspense who would win. We played for two and half hours. Ophir wanted to continue playing and said, "I'm having a great time; I love beating you when we play". During the game we did business, we sold, we bought. Ophir noticed that I was supposed to get money that I didn't receive and he told me; he was honest and didn't swindle me (like he does with his sister). After a long while he started with his twitching, but even then he didn't stop playing. In the end, he said it was fun and that we'll continue the game next time.
Self-Reflection
This was significant for me because it was the first time I agreed to play with him. When their father would play with them I didn't agree to join in. I felt jealous of him that he's closer to the children then me. Also, I had a thought that games are for kids; I learned that playing has a value in connecting and communicating with my son. The game opened up my thinking that there isn't only one way to get to the children. I learned that through a game it's possible to reach dialogue. This was a breakthrough in my thinking; that it's possible to get to him through playing, taking trips, making food together, watching a movie together, and all sorts of other interesting activities that through them I say "yes " to my love, to empathy and communication between us. This was an empowering, strong, and positive experience for me.
What did you experience in the coaching process?
I experienced that the coaching "opened up my eyes". The process made for me an opening through which I could think about things in a different way. The way I look at my life changed. I revealed my strengths. I'm much stronger today. My proportions changed. I learned to ease up, to stop being like a "broken record", and to look at things with patience and attention. I started paying more attention to my child and to all of the family. I'm calmer. Then...I thought that they were manipulating me.
What do you take out of the process?
I take with me tools to check my behavior and myself, strengths that will help me in the future to cope with different situations that occur, to be more patient and less stubborn, to share and talk about my feelings, this allows the closeness to my child that I so much wanted. I have more self-confidence. I learned to ease up and let go and to be less authoritative, but on the other hand not to give up on my parenthood, and that I have a certain status in the home and I'm appreciated. I feel that my son does love me; I'm beginning to win him back again. I learned that playing or any other activity with the child is an opportunity to come close and enjoy together. We're more relaxed, able to talk, play, and to enjoy together, I'm finished with the battles that we had. He also still argues but it's without anger.
What role did the coach play for you?
He was very important. He was a lending ear, paid a lot of attention, with empathy, positive reinforcement. He didn't let me fall apart, encouraged. I waited all week for this day to share from here (points with her hand at her stomach inward), even today we don't understand where and how it hurts that the child goes and distances himself from me until a wall is built between us when the only communication was giving orders with anger and yelling. My desire is that everything should be o'kay. There were meetings that I went away from them stronger with self-confidence and with understanding and a different way of looking at what's happening to me. It was all with attention and open questions that allowed me to see things in myself that I didn't see before. It's like I received from the coach eyes to see what I wasn't able to see before the coaching.
What would you like to say "thank you" for?
I would like to say thank you for that my eyes were opened. I didn't know to say everything in words; I had a lot of painful feelings without understanding, like a big mess in my soul. I didn't know how to discern between things, to see them in a different way. Today I have much more order. I received new eyes to see and to understand what happens to me with my child and with all of the family that distanced themselves from me.
I came to coaching to change everyone and I came to understand that I'm the one who needs to change. I say thanks for this that today it's more fun for me to return home from work. I work hard and expend a lot of effort to change my behavioral patters, I still get stuck in thinking that there's only one solution to problems but I try very hard to think of other possibilities.