"For the parents, for the children" - Talking with Tova Sagol
During the years in which I raised my daughter, developing her personal potential was my guiding light. The goal was to take advantage of her abilities, and despite the difficulties to transform her into a happy girl. She fought, I fought", says Tova Sagol, whose adult daughter, already a mother herself, suffers from learning disabilities.
My meeting with Tova takes place a few days after the inauguration of the "Nitzan Horim" Center, a unique project of the Nitzan Association, who assists those suffering from learning disabilities, adaptive difficulties, and other handicaps. Tova is the one standing behind the new project. She conceived the idea, took on herself its development, and established the training center designed for parents with learning disabilities or for those suffering from ADHD. "These young parents are in need of assistance and training in order to function as better parents despite the difficulties", she explains.
Tova, who's married to Sammy Sagol, owner of the "Keter Plastic" Company, is the mother of four and grandmother of three. The connection with the Nitzan Association was formed already 25 years ago when her third daughter, Mia, was five-years-old. "She had difficulties and I came to Nitzan in order to learn and understand what was happening with her", she says. "I remember meeting famous people, parents of children with learning disabilities who became very active in the association, and together with this, I also met parents who the meeting at Nitzan was a secret for them. At that time, the environment, the society, didn't know how to accept the subject. The meetings strengthened and empowered me, and so I decided to become more involved in the activities of the association.
Within a short amount of time, Tova became the president of the association and filled the position voluntarily for 10 years. Among other things, she worked at raising funds and advancing projects, some of which merited extensive exposure. One of them she remembers is "The Flag Project", in which Tova raised donations of 350,000 "Lego" pieces from which an enormous Israeli Flag was built in the Tel-Aviv Museum courtyard. The first piece of the flag placed the Israeli president, Ezer Weitzman; the last one was placed by Prime Minister, Yitzchak Rabin. This was in 1995. Besides them, children, parents, educators, Knesset members, ministers, and ambassadors took part in the construction. "We had great exposure", it's felt until today, "I remember that this created a feeling that there's no longer a reason to be embarrassed when saying "I'm learning disabled" or "dyslexic". The cycle of frustration and loneliness that the children of Nitzan felt then was broken through. "Today," she says, "it's easier to cope. Learning disability isn't an embarrassment any more and all of the information is much more accessible, as well as the evaluation centers, teachers, and therapists. And together with this," she says, "there are still those who aren't aware enough and treat learning disabled students as lazy or retarded."
In order to protect the privacy of Mia, Tova uses a minimum of words. However, she tells proudly that Mia, who works today in office computerization in the "Keter" offices, learned at the "Shefririm" school in Givat Haim, which is labeled as a progressive education school, served in the army ("after two years in Tel HaShomer, her commander called us and thanked us that we sent her to him. He said that she helped him see things that he didn't see or know previously", and also reports that she's the family driver ("then it took her more times, but in the end she succeeded. I rely on her a lot").
Mia was also the inspiration for establishing the new center. The idea sprouted in Tova's mind when Mia got married, some five years ago, a long time before they were parents to their year and a quarter old son. "Immediately after the wedding I understood that we needed to think about a place that guides parents with special needs. When they decided to bring a child to the world, I began researching the topic. I searched and searched; I didn't find and I didn't believe. There's such a successful industry in parenting, how is it that there's nobody that treats the special needs population? Here, my vision began to be formed."
Tova finished her position as president of Nitzan already a decade ago, but her involvement in the organization's activities hasn't ended, therefore, she decided to donate to establishing the center for parents with learning disabilities.
"Clearly, you see, we, when we were young mothers, we had the guide book of Dr. Spook, and that's what we opened when a problem or question came up. Today, young parents have training centers and books and internet and what don't they have? But, what about people that it's a little harder for them? What if they'll take from this amazing body of knowledge, that we too, without difficulties like these, get lost with it?
We had meetings at existing training centers, and they agreed to accept parents with learning disabilities, but I didn't see our families fitting in there. In the past, I thought that integration is good. Maybe I wanted to think so. The years and the experience have led me to understand that this doesn't go. A specific population needs a specific approach in order that there will be results. It was clear to me that we need a place that is completely for them, in which grandmothers and grandfathers will come to and family members who will receive training and counseling how to help the couple of parents."
"They are coping with difficulties that are added to the common difficulties new parents face. They have, for example, problems getting organized, difficulty in setting a daily schedule and keeping it, difficulty in setting limits, the limited ability to express themselves emotionally or with words, or problematic social skills. There are parents that aren't able to prepare a bottle with milk supplement, because they can't read or understand the instructions on the package. There are parents who overwhelm the child with toys, because they don't know which toy is appropriate for the baby's age. There are parents that have trouble knowing how to play with the baby, rarely go out with him to the yard or friends, because they have social problems. There are parents who can't read a story to their children.
"Nitzan Horim" deals with teaching day-to-day social and personal skills that are connected to caring for a child, actually, this a family support net for parents."
The new center operates in pastoral calm on the ground floor of a residential building in Herzeliya. Soft and bright colors cover the walls. Colorful furniture pieces from "Keter Plastic" provide a warm and inviting feeling. In the playroom there are colorful jamboree equipment and a reading corner with books. At story time, they teach parents who have difficulty reading how to enjoy nonetheless together with their children from books. One of the rooms is set aside for private conversations, one chair opposite the other, a parent with an expert (pediatrician, nurse, nutritionist, speech therapist, and all other professionals). There are classes for children and lectures for parents, and there are also mutual classes like baby massage. The activities at the center are accompanied by professionals, among them, Dr. Ornia Yanai, clinical and occupational psychologist; Dr. Neta Avner, early childhood clinical psychologist; and Diana Eildaman, certified parent's instructor. With the sense of a significant achievement, Tova adds that, "Ophra Elul, President of Nitzan and Maly Danino, Executive Director of Nitzan, brought master's degree students for educational counseling from Tel-Aviv University and they run the center and assist parents as part of their professional training."
In the "Coffeehouse", which is a big room that Tova is responsible for its design, sit a number of women and chat. According to Tova, this isn't a common sight when we're talking about mothers with learning disabilities. "In a portion of the cases we're talking about parents who since they were children have sensed great loneliness and their social circle was very limited", she explains. "They're crying out for connection, and here, in the center, friendships are created between parents with common topics. This warms up my heart to see this", she looks with pleasure at a couple of young mothers. One of them is her daughter, Mia, who comes to the place with her son.
"I certainly plan to establish centers like these in different cities, and even to export the idea to communities in the world. I think that this place needs to be a pilot for all sorts of populations, maybe for deaf parents, maybe blind parents."
Her grandson, Yosef, roles on the mattresses spread out in the jamboree corner and confronts a large, rubber ball. "You know", she doesn't take her eyes off him, "when I see him play and happy here, I leave hear happy. And I want to share this joy with other grandparents and parents."