“This was the first time I was told: now we are taking care of you, not of Maya”
"We met with Tamar who came for the parent coaching meeting desperate and exhausted. Any attempt helping Maya’ her 8 year old daughter who had ADHD did not succeed and daily life at home became a nightmare. After 3 month of the coaching process everything changed.
"Nothing helped; I was helpless, discouraged and exhausted. I didn't know what to do anymore and I was looking for solutions - I consulted, asked, tried - but things didn't get better. Life at home became tense and difficult. Maya was coming back from school frustrated, crying and irritated with temper tantrums that lasted for about two hours each day involving demonstrations of violence and bullying her little sister. I felt I am losing control.
One evening after everybody went to sleep, I was sitting at the computer and surfing the web. This is how I first came across “parent coaching” at Nitzan association. I reached out to them in complete despair, having already tried everything - psychological therapy, spousal therapy, parental guidance. Nothing helped! "
“This was the first time I was told: “now we are taking care of you, not of Maya”’ she explained: "Until then, the focus was always on Maya, but when I realized that I'm the one undergoing the coaching process it was a great relief. We kept feeling that we are ‘inadequate' parents who couldn't help Maya solve the problems she was dealing with.
After 3 months of meeting, once a week, with the coach at Nitzan Association, there was a dramatic change in my life and my family’s life. She just picked me off the floor and reassembled me. The coaching process really strengthened me and gave me tools. Today I know; I can find an answer to everything. No one else solves my problems or criticizes me for my coping. It is very empowering and supportive. In the process, I realized that I had to step aside and let Maya cope on her own. She has to do her job, find her way and find out how to prepare lessons in a way that is convenient for her. My job is to support and help when needed. At first it stressed me, I admit, it was very difficult for me to let go. On the one hand, I am always afraid that it will fail and that it will not be easy for her. On the other hand, I know that she is a smart and talented girl and that she will succeed, and most of all it should come from her - not me. If she fails or succeeds - it's hers, not mine. I have to separate. I've always mixed both worlds with a desire to protect, but in the coaching process I realized that it didn't really protect Maya but weakened her. "
"it had a dramatic impact. Everything I have described so far has greatly diminished. Maya is much less violent. If she cries, she calms down after ten minutes and resolves the issue herself. The whole coaching process I went through had a positive effect on her - in school, at home and in general. It's just another world”.
"I had all kinds of important values in life - humility, respect, love – which I felt I had to instill in the children. But only during the coaching process I discovered the right language to speak them. It was just like learning to talk again. Once the language changes communication channels open. With my husband and girls, as soon as I came in with criticism, and before that I was very critical, it was very unpleasant and they would shut down and defend themselves. I am married to my husband for 15 years and since I have started the coaching process, for the first time I can say that our relationship improved, we communicate openly. We talk during the day, he consults with me. It's very exciting."
"It's always great to have someone to talk to and consult with, but what's amazing about this process is that it's embedded in you and over time the insights are only deepening. I know I have the tools, I also have my journey journal to accompany me and I pick into it from time to time to remember and become stronger."