"That's how I got my daughter as a gift"
Even the most dedicated parent needs guidance from time to time. This is also true when it
comes to the mother who is a teacher by profession. In an interview we conducted with Chaya Shoshan, she talks about the help she received as a mother of children with ADHD and the positive change they underwent:
"With the students I fulfill a mission, but with my own daughter that I feel lost," says Chaya, 36, and mother of 8-year-old Daria and 13-year-old Elishama. Haya perceives the teaching profession as an amendment she makes to her memories of school: "Although and perhaps because of the difficulties I experienced during my childhood, I contain the difficulties of my students. It was precisely those of my daughter that I found difficult to contain."
Chaya came for parents coaching at Nitzan Association in order to acquire tools to help her and her daughter: “Daria was having difficulties reading and the teacher wanted her to repeat the grade. I understood that my daughter was like me, encountered teachers that do not see her. It impaired her motivation also at home, she was restless. I was at the end of me rope, I found myself treating her the same way my teachers treated me, I was reprimanding her and asking why doesn’t she apply herself, why isn’t she studying.”
At this point Chaya stopped and realized that her challenge is to help Daria. “I wanted to learn to listen to my daughter. I heard about the parents coaching program by the ECC method by Nitzan that focuses on the parent and turn him to the natural coach of his children, and decided that this what me, we – need.”
Chaya tells about the improvement in the communication with Daria: “As one of the home assignment during the coaching process I was asked to conduct a personal conversation with my daughter. I told her that I am undergoing a process to become a better mother, and that I choose her for this process. Daria had tears of joy in her eyes, she understood that something is going to change.”
The coaching process changed my life, both our lives. My turning point was when I realized that my daughter is actually me. She only wanted to be happy, just as wanted when I was her age. I kept emphasizing school and studying not her happiness. Daria wants me to love and hug her, and instead of understanding it, I was angry and stressed her. "
“I am another mother – contains, listens, I connect to her world and her joy. I truly see my child. I learned to stand up to her teachers at school and insist that she receives what she needs and make sure that they see her too.”
Chaya sees the effect of the coaching also on her daughter, at home and at school. “She is going willingly to her remedial teaching lessons, tries harder, more patient and less angry. Her communication with me and her brother improved immensely.”
She attests that the change for the better affected her son as well: “He told me that he feels that I am doing something good with his sister. He notices something is happening but could not point it. I share it with him and promised him to go through the same process with him – he smiled at me and said – I am waiting.”
The best words to describe the change at the Shoshan family are expressed in the birthday card that Haya wrote to her daughter: "My amazing girl! Another birthday has arrived, but this year something is different, this year I gained you!! I learned to see your huge heart and your stunning beauty from another angel I learned how good you are and how much love and compassion there is within you. I learned to embrace your difficulties and love you along with them and channel your energies into the things you love. I entered your world - and gave you a real hand. "